How to hit on women!: a multipart series

1) Let her know you are not a Nazi

Before you do anything, it is CRUCIAL to establish that you are not, and never were, a Nazi. Even if you think some of Hitler’s ideas were good, YOU CANNOT TELL THIS TO YOUR TARGET. Chances are she won’t agree with you and will box you into your own cube! If you have a Hitler mustache either dye it something sick (like the yin-yang pattern) or SHAVE IT OFF!!! Of course, if you think your target is an HBNazi, it might be okay to let her know your admiration for the Third Reich’s contribution to the expansion of autobahn or the feeling of community engendered by the Hitler Youth, but BE CAREFUL. The undeniable socio-geological sense of Lebensraum is a pretty good opener, but make sure the girl is telling the truth. I had a buddy once in Argentina who was sure he was cubing an HBSympathizer, but it turned out she was a secret agent for the Israeli government and sent him to Geneva to be tried for war crimes! It totally killed my buddy’s game, not to mention my buddy.

I can't lie. I think Peggy Noonan is pretty good lookin'.

虽然Junior Seminar的课才上了一个月，但我已经烦死了！

一方面，我知道这是我自己找的。因为要是我三年级的时候没去上海的话，那现在什么问题就都没有了。我当时没有远见，所以现在就得背着这个最残酷的处分。
但另一方面，哦哦，这门课真可怕！ 这个星期三，老师逼我们写三篇短文。三篇短文啊！但他又不愿意迟收作业。老师怎么那么残忍啊？

他也不喜欢迟到的学生 ，无论什么时间，要是你上课以后才进到教室，他就算你缺席，就会减你的分数。
于老师曾经劝说他，让我不要去上这门课的时候，他回答说：“已有太多四年级学生跟博能的情况一样，所以他 -- 我 -- 只好去上课。”

其实，他的班上只有两个四年级学生: 我和于老师的另一个学生。而且，他第一天上课的时候，只知道在这个班上有一个四年级学生 ！这就是太多四年级学生了吗？他真是满口谎话！

这是我的秘密 -- 秘密的故事 -- 秘密的心里话。可怜的博能！

Polaroid photography is charming, but at the same time I sort of hate it.

I think that regardless of how good or bad a person you are, most likely there's a dog out there who will love you unconditionally.

Looks like someone's going to China.

You know, if there's one thing about Craigslist casual encounters, it's that everyone is a winner. It's one big gathering of gods, like Mt. Olympus except far more legendary.  So when I post a fake ad along the lines of "Golden Girl seeks Golden Shower," or "Filipina Queena seeks Big American Man for Big American Abuse" I'm rewarded with such quality skeeviness that it's hard to place one e-mail above the rest. Yet, with so much gold being heaped in my inbox, I feel that there must be a true emperor within this castle of kings.  There just must be.  Which is why I'm presenting you today  with: